Sense your SINGHAM'szz Feel

Can you Make Sense of My Feel

love,hate,happy,sad,anger,jealous,pride,

shame,embarrasement,bored

Crying for my minute love . . . ,

Why She searched me . . . . ?

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the start . . . ,

: love :

It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no exit signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.

I too, had a love in my heart. A love can be defined in any way. But to me, a love can be felt not only by heart but onto all the sensory organs of vision, smell, talk, skins even.

An year before at Kayan-kulam, I went to enjoy my Keralite holidays in my mother's relation's house. Its an village actually but there will full of grasses and dense tress. The full village will be clothed in a dense green dress. Sun-rise and sun-set will be in an awesome pitch there. Even Heaven will not tastes good than Kerala.

I stayed in a millitary residence, which was near sea-shore. There was a park in it. At night, the park will be filled by its relaxing employees there. Kids wandering helplessly with their friends. My Grandpa having a small peg, was also walking along with me in breeze and also talking about his pasts and achievements. I was quite bored on his pasts. I was in eager to visit the village and its people.

Next day, it was Sunday, My grandpa promised me to show the village that next day. I went to bed early to wake-up as early as possible and go to church. It was just 6'o clock. I was waken up with a big glass of tea of my Daarli Illayama. She gave me some money to put as an offering in church. Cool Breeze., Mists, everyone jogging there.

As usual I peeked for the girls in that village. There in KayanKulan, the girls were not so white but their skin will not so pale even. Their face will be like lightish skin of tingling deer. Their dense eyebrows for beautiful eyes like a dark black sun in a white cloud, orned ears, perfect sharp nose, lips are like a red-mirchy kept in parallel, their neck is filled with few gold ornaments, most of the girls worn half-sarees with red,rose,orange, blue on a contrasting colored blouse coveth their perfect spices on them were really awesome. I thanked my God for their carvings at right angle.., in pen-view I will say their body is like a petals of LOTUS [Thamarai Ithalgalal aana Valaivu].

I think in myself "If I found any christian girl, I will surely depart Kerala with that girl as my wife" due to religional ethics to my parents.

I went to church with my grandpa in a cycle. I rode it to some Anglical Church at morning. A nice cathedral near Amirthanadamayi's Ashram. I saw My Girl there near or next to me, some 5 feet distance. I went to church some what late. I saw a Girl, was sooo fair, her cheeks are like apples, rose-wine lips, engrossed her head with a white scarf, some curvy hair fell out of the scarf. She had worn a white chudi with blue spots in it, stood perfect in her position. I felt my heart bumps on a up-and-down Road. I have never felt this happening with any of girl, so far. Not even to any cute actress even.

My heart also alerts me that God is seeing me from above. But I consoled my heart "Let The God See Her and make Her as my wife". The Malayalam mass was started. I dint even knew anything. My Grandpa even not attend the mass instead was talking to his neighbour about their pension during the mass. In the church, everyone chanted with same praise.

At that time, I too, was seeing what my girl is doing, since I cant keep my eyes rid from her. She was chanting at the correct timing. I practised her lip movements. When everyone followed the Church's Father in chorus. My girl gave a smile to her friend showing her teeth in her dancing body. My prediction is that her age must be below 15 only. She might be studying. When the prayer starts, she closed her eye balls with the petals of her eye-lid. She is like Masakkali Girl - SONAM KAPOOR in Delhi-6 but still whiter than her and also very active and smart. Devoted eyes to God with an eyeball was raised above, during the prayer and showing a sad face in front of my God, I was in a degree-high. After the mass is over. Every one say Amen.

But... Me... I dont want to say Amen. I was standing still. I asked my Grandpa that I will be back after getting blessings from Church's Father. I moved towards the girl to see her clearly but some silence, fear stopped me. Heart Beats increasing, Sweats my body. I felt rise of my Blood Pressure. I hated myself and cried for myself. At once, I closed my eyes for not to see the world which made me ugly and make me to act dirty for a girl. I also had in my mind to see this girl only once. But, an uncontrollable fierce or anger and I have no hearts to see my girl with any boy. After all, of a sudden, A miracle happened, I heard something from my back. Still, I dint opened my eyes. At that time, voice increased and said something loudly "Some... Ishu Sthuthi... blah blah". I was still there. At that I opened my eyes, Father of Church is behind me. My Girl is towards me in her white scarf which left her original position.

I moved for the Father, and Father joke at me in Malayalam. My Grandpa accompanied with Father. At that time She Laughed... I dunno what the Father said But She Laughed at me. Now, my Girl knew whom her movements were admired for more than 30 minutes. I also see her and communicate my smile. Everyone behind me laughed. I smelt essence of samprani. I wanted to show my gratitude to that Father only even after he make me fun since she see me. My Grandpa instroduced me to my Girls' parents that I am student of PSG Tech, Coimbatore best institute, Software Engineering. That girl covered herself on her mum. Their parents also said that their wish to make their girl to undergo graduate in software. They are also some distant family-friend of my Grandpa. I enquired them which standard she is doing. They said she is doing her eleventh standard but quite mature.

A last time near pavement, My girl put her head-down like a beautiful bud on its stalk, is walking on her way from the Church, and I was opposite to her way , with as many as heart-beats in wishing her to see me, silence everywhere. At one time, we passed by, i saw there were none in our way except her friend nearby. It was just few steps to cross each other. A sight in a fraction of second, that eagerness in commiting herself to see her adorer. The moment in my life, simply awesome, my heart feels to be fulfilled, a chirping of bangles heard in my ears, a chill felt in my nerve-ending, i gazed on her smiling cheek, a low current sensation or feel of my bloodstream vibrates my brain-nerves, i made a high-breathe. I dont want myself to disturb that awesome feeling.

At moment, she turned towards me. In a shy, she coveth her face by unintentionally by talking to her friend to her next. I hide myself somewhere under the cathedral compound wall near my Cycle due to negative complexion arised in my heart but still I watched her. Again, she checked for me by turning behind, her eyebrows highs up with a sad that I was missed the sight from her. I regretted myself for this denial. Some humming tune from Jillunu Oru Kaadhal heard in my inward heart

"naan naana ketaen ennai naaane.,

naan neeya nenjum sonnathey!

please munbe vaa en anbe vaa".

All of a sudden, it pierce my heart with biggest spade ever. I felt alone in my life for the first time.God!, when can I see her again and where. Is this feel is true? It all can be happen to me. Is I am with me. Is I am still in this world for her. After a long time now., I asked my Grandpa about that girl, but he said that She is doing B.A [English] now itseems and their parents were searching husband for her before her graduation. My first girl is gonna to marry. How my bloody heart will react I dunno! But I predicted before that this beautiful girl must have a boy-friend moore handsome in her school. But, I dont know why she searched me when i hid myself under the wall.

this post is full of my feeling. A post to express my feeeel what I fint [singular pronoun of find] on myself, how I persuade myself on basis of intuition, emotion, or any indefinite things that revolve around me. The pin-point of this post is the phases of my emotions in me.